


Caffeine

by Markhyuckisrealaf



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, but not as heavy as the other one i wrote, its 1am and im depressed af im sorry if it makes anyone sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-04
Updated: 2017-10-04
Packaged: 2019-01-09 03:55:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,545
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12268368
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Markhyuckisrealaf/pseuds/Markhyuckisrealaf
Summary: He was just like caffeine and mark hated coffee…"You’re bad to me, so bad to me, you’re like caffeine"





	Caffeine

**Author's Note:**

> i got inspired by yang yoseob(highlight(beast))’s song “caffeine”. Please listen the song and check out it’s lyrics if you can cause it’s really such a great song even though it’s so sad.

It was so late at night that all he could hear was the sound of the big clock in the living room ticking slowly, as if even it was counting every second that he spent without him, like how he was counting every single breathe he took without him beside him…

He checked the clock even though the time wasn’t important to him anymore. It could be any month’s any day in any year and he would still not care at all. But he still sighed when he saw it was four am. the second hand of the clock was moving so, so slow that he couldn’t even wait till the minute hand moved and looked down at the empty coffee cups in front of him on the wooden table. God knows mark hated coffee so much with a huge passion. But “he” loved it. So they had lots of coffee cups at home. But he wasn’t here anymore so no one was drinking any coffee..so he just let the empty, already used cups stay on the table. Not to remind him. but to remind his kisses that tasted like freshly made latte… He used to say that he couldn’t live without mark and coffee. It was funny how he actually could live so well without one of them…

He sighed and took the cup from the table just to place it to the same exact place again after a few second with shaking hands and teary eyes. He should be able to find his coffee wherever he left it. Cause he was going to come back to home anyway….right?

Mark knew it was a lie. The biggest lie he had ever told to himself. Cause donghyuck was gone and he was never going to come back to him…to their home…

Donghyuck was gone and all the clocks had stopped for mark since he had gone. Time was not passing anymore for him. He was stuck in the time when he left alone in their bedroom that was so cold now. So cold that he could never sleep there anymore. It was just so cold. So lifeless without him being there…

_______________________________________________________________________________________

He sighed and looked down at the pills in the palm of his hand. The place where donghyuck used to hold him in. mark smiled bitterly. He was still holding him there. He looked at the pills once again, counted them with his eyes even though he already knew there were exactly three pills in there, lying next to each other like well-behaving people and swallowed them all at once. He coughed a bit after because he always hated taking pills. Even though it was “for his own good”. 

It wasn’t for his own good tho. They still could not make him sleep. He was still up all night. He was still thinking about him, who he should not think about at all actually, every single passing minute. Even when he finally fell asleep for about two or three hours, he still had him in his dreams. Or maybe saying his “nightmares” would be a better word choice. Because most of the times, his face would be covered in tears and his mouth would spill venomous words like an overflowing sink just like the last time they talked. No pills in the world could make mark forget that last look donghyuck gave to him before walking out of that door. None of those painkillers could take away the pain and sorrow in his heart. And none of those sleeping pills could make him sleep tight. Because donghyuck was his caffeine and sleepless nights became his second home since he was gone…

________________________________________________________________________________________

He wanted to hate him to be honest. He wanted to hate everything about him. He wanted to curse at every beautiful memory they had together. He wanted to hate every soft kiss, every tender touch, every gentle look they had together. He wanted to say, “I hate you.” He wanted to say, “I don’t love you anymore.” And “you aren’t even beautiful for me anymore. You are no different than a cup of coffee that got ruined in time.” And he did say those to him before actually. In one of those nights that he was up at 5 am and called him with his sober mind but drunken heart. The only answer he got was “mark, please stop calling me.” and the bipping sounds that show the other person ended the call. He should have known this will happen. He had never been good at lying…

And he could never ever hate donghyuck even though he wanted it so much…

_______________________________________________________________________________________

It was six am already and he was still wide awake but he was getting drunk at the sweet taste of the memories that was filling his mind slowly. Everything he saw reminded him donghyuck because he had his mark on everything in this home. Invisible marks, a hundred million of them, but mark could see them all crystal clear. He had his footprints on the floor in front of the oven from the time when he was cooking something and mark back hugged him then pulled away just to pull him into a slow and sweet dance that they waved together to the rhythm of the music like the peaceful waves on a calm summer sea. He had his fingerprints all over the books in the huge library because he would always take the book away from mark’s hands just to steal a kiss sweetly from his lips. He had his scent all over the soft, fluffy blanket in the living room because they would cuddle there and fall asleep in each other’s embrace every night. The shape of his lips was marked on mark’s cheeks from all the times he tiptoed and pecked him out of blue even when he was teaching Mark how to make coffee and he shouldn’t have been playing around and do what he should do. He had the shape and every single line of his hands all around mark from all the times they held each other, especially when something bad happened and mark needed strength and donghyuck was there to be the wall he leaned on. 

He had marked his face on mark’s eyes so whenever he closed his eyes he would see his breathtakingly but also painfully beautiful face. Most importantly, he had marked the rhythm of his heartbeat in Mark's own heart so as long as his heart was beating he will be forever in need of that rhythm to not to die…

_______________________________________________________________________________________

His hands felt so heavy when he held his phone to tap on the call button. It was eight am already so he must be awake already. The phone rang a few times; he waited anyway even though the possibility of his call not getting answered was bigger than hearing his sweet voice from the other line.

“Hi”

He could hear his sigh.

“Mark…I told you to stop calling me”

“I know…I just…I….”

“You what?”

“I-I…”

This time the sigh was longer.

“If you are not going to say anything, stop calling me. Stop ruining my life. You already had done a lot mark.”

“………”

“Please…”

Mark choked out an “I’m sorry” before ending the call and throwing the phone away.

He cried for hours and hours with his hands on his face. He knew he had done enough. But he never wanted to do those. He never wanted to hurt donghyuck. He never meant to break his heart. He never meant to say, “Maybe you should go and never come back” to him in the coldest tone he could ever use. He never meant to get so jealous and blame donghyuck for something he did not do. “Maybe you should go to his arms and stay there. Cause it looks like you would like that more” he never meant to say that. But he deserved the hard slap on his cheek after he said that. And all of the curses donghyuck probably said behind his back. He deserved it all. He was the one who messed up so bad. He was the one who should be in pain like how he was right now. He deserved this pain…

______________________________________________________________________________________

His sobs died down when his phone rang out of a sudden at 2 pm. He tried to read the screen with his red and puffy eyes and gasped when he saw who was calling. He tapped the “answer” button with shaky hands and talked with the last bit of voice he still got after crying for hours.

“D-donghyuck”

“…….we should talk”

“…we already do”

“Face to face”

“You would not want to see my face right now”

“Mark, we really should talk.”

Mark sighed and nodded even though he knew donghyuck couldn’t see him.

“Same café?”

“Same café”

It has been so many months since he went to that café that he wasn’t even sure if he still remember where it was. The last time he went there was…with donghyuck...For a cute little date…it was eleven months ago…

“Okay”

“Okay”

“Donghyuck”

“What?”

“I love you”

“……….”

The bipping sound of the other person ended the call….


End file.
